Anger Management

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. It undermines a person’s life because it results in unneccessary
unhapiness and frustration.

People who get angry easily have a low tolerance for annoyance. They feel that everything should go their way, work out as planned hence whenever they meet which situation which subject them to inconvenience, they blow
up.

I feel that the main problem of people who get angry easily is that have high or rather a lot expectations. they expect their friends to be nice to them, they expect their loved ones to be more caring, more understanding, they expect the toilet at work to be clean, the bus to be punctual, etc...and whenever anything does not meet their expectations, they get annoyed and
angry. Disappointment is part of life. i feel that people should learn to accept life as it is and the people around them for who they are. we cannot change others, but we can learn to control our emotions. Why let others affect us so much? Why let them determine how happy we can be?

In reality, most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things. For example , relationship problems arise because we do not accept and love our partner for who they are. We force our partner to be not who they are but an image of who we think they should be. This will result in conflicts and hence strain a relationship. To solve this problem is not to change our partner into what we like him to be but to accept him fully, including his flaws. Let go of judging him, stop the blaming and criticising. We have our own weaknesses too. So why be so harsh on the
people around u?

You might now be thinking...how can one not have any expectations? If we do not have expectations, how are we going to improve? Are u saying that teachers should not expect students to behave? That's ridiculous?! Well, i am not saying that we should not have expectations. We should. People usually rise to expectations. However we should bear in mind that our
expectations may not be met. If we have tried our best but still fail to get the result we expected, we should just let go and accept it as part of life, as a learning experience and not get depressed and unhappy over it.

All things can be looked at in a different angle. Something that seems bad may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. eg. you are infuriated by a group member who always turn up late for meetings. It may seem to be all negative, but in fact, u can get something good out of this incident. You learn that not being punctual is irresponsible and can cause inconvenience for your group members hence tell yourself that you would not make the same mistake and become a better person due to this incident.

You may think...how can one not be angry if a person has wronged u, betrayed u or has done things which hurt u?

Eg, a friend who lied to u and betrayed your trust. He might have met people who have hurt him badly and hence grow up to not trust anyone in this world and hence do the same bad things to everyone he meets.
I personally do not hate such people. In fact i feel sorry for them. People who do not have the capacity to love and trust also do not love and trust themselves.

They must have had some traumatic experience or grew up in a family devoid of love and kindness which sadly corrupted his once
innocent mind.

I believe that everyone in this world is basically good people who do not want to cause harm. Think of a baby. He is innocent and pure. I guess the circumstances make a person.

Past experiences leave strong impressions for the future. A person's actions and behaviour is subconsicously related to his past. He did not mean any harm. He probably would not have done those things if he knew of a better way.

So whenever someone had erred u, before u get angry, dig deeper and seek
the reasons for his behaviour. If we take a closer look, we will realise that we cannot blame him for doing such things. We might even have done the same things if we were in his shoes. Understand and forgive the people around you. Repay evil with kindness and we can make this world a better place to live in.

Having said that past experience and circumstances have a bearing on your actions and an impact your anger threshold, we
can conclude that family upbringing is an important factor in a person's ability to manage anger. People who cannot control their anger very often have parents who resorted to violence or anger when trying to discipline them hence giving the child an impression that getting angry is perfectly fine, it is the best way to get results hence grow up to become very hot tempered adults. (This is another reason why we should not blame people who cannot control their anger).

Some people feel that there is no need to control your anger. You should just let it all hang out and not bottle up your feelings
and emotions. I disagree with such thinking because anger actually escalates anger and agression and does nothing to resolve the situation. When one person starts raising his voice at another person, the victim whose ego has been bruised would immediately get into a defensive mode and raise his voice to counter the angry person. this will escalate into a huge argument and cause resentment in the parites involved. We should always try to control our anger because such outburst may ruin a relationship forever. It would be much harder to resolve a disagreement when the situation had already turned so ugly and people will never forget your anger outburst hence affecting your reputation.

Getting angry is pointless. It does not resolve the problem. Whenever there is a disagreement or conflict. Immediately stop the blaming or criticising. Move forward and think of how to solve the problem. What is done cannot be undone. Save your energy to find the best way to compromise instead.
So how can one manage his anger?

1) Breathe deeply

2) repeat calm words such as "relax", "take it easy"

3)Do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions without evidence (they are often inaccurate)

4) Slow down and listen to what the other party has to say, see things from their point of view, dig deep and seek the real
reason for their actions

5) Realise that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes

6)accept the person as who he is

7) Do not exaggerate a person's bad qualities. focus on his good points

8) Realise that getting angry is not constructive ( it will not solve the problem but only create tension )

9) remind yourself the disadavantages of getting angry