Managing Conflict

There are four levels of conflict:

Level 1: Facts or Data - occurs when parties have different information. Easiest kind of conflict to resolve. To resolve conflict , make sure that parties have similar information.

Level 2: Processes or Methods - occurs when there is a difference of opinion over how things should be done.

Level 3: Goals or Purpose - parties cannot agree on a common goal. Patience and skill is required when negoatiating at this level.

Level 4: Values - parties disagree about basic meanings. Most serious conflict. Very difficult to resolve.

We can choose suitable responses to conflict after defining the level of conflict.

people tend to avoid managing conflict because most people see conflict as a problem. They feel uneasy when there is disagreement. avoiding conflict does not remove the problem it instead causes more unhappiness. Not all conflict is bad. One good reason to engage in a conflict is to reach a resolution. hence we must always make sure that we engage in conflict to resolve a problem rather then to win, gain power or to stir up negative feelings.

There are many ways one can respond to a conflict:

Withdraw: Avoid the conflict by pretending that it does not exist eg, shutting down. It requires no courage and consideration for your partner

Give In: Allow the other to have his/her way. Requires high cooperation and low courage. accomodator becomes resentful of other party over time

Stand Your Ground: Compete with the other party and ensure that you win the argument.Competitive approach (yield quick results but damage relationships) requires courage but little consideration

Compromise: Find a middle ground in which you both give up some ground to allow both parties to be partially satisfied. Negotiate and give in on small points in other to win the bigger battle. Requires both courage and consideration.

Collaborate: Talk and listen to the other party. Discuss and clarify your goals and areas of agreement. Ensure that other parties understand and acknowledge each other's positions. Consider ways to resolve the problem without any concessions. Think "outside the box." Collaboration requires great courage as well as much consideration. Collaborators are interpersonally intelligent and are well respected

We should always strive to resolve conflict by collaboration so that all parties are truly satisfied.

Active listening is a valuable skill in for resolving conflicts. What is active listening? Active listening is repeating, in your own words, what the other party has said to check whether your understanding is correct. It shows thas that you acknowledges the other party's feelings and that you are interested and concerned.

It helps in resolving conflicts because the other party feels good and respected when you make a sincere effort to understand what they are thinking and feeling. In many instances, all an angry person needs is some form of acknowledgement or someone who is willing to listen to them and understand them to cool down. Moreover, repeating what you have heard helps check whether your understanding is correct and hence prevent further misunderstandings.

Tips for resolving conflicts:

1) Do not get personal - this means treating the other party with respect. Avoid name calling, unfair judgements or assumptions. Give attention to the issues at hand. Seek to understand other party's perceptions, fears or desires

2) Brainstorm for alternative ideas to solve problem - Each party makes suggestions which are evalutated

3) Agree beforehand on a fair way to resolve a conflict. eg. coin toss. Parties more likely to agree on end result

If all else fails and a conflict results in a heated argument, here are some tips to reduce the tension:

1) soften your tone

2) walk away and cool down ( breathe deeply, count to ten)

3) Acknowledge the other party's point of view (u do not have to agree but everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings) say " i understand how you feel"

4) Do not use hostile body language ( crossing arms, tapping foot, rolling eyes etc..)

5) Do not make genralities (eg. " you are always late")

I really dislike conflicts hence would always give in or avoid it totally for the sake of peace. However i have learnt that not all conflicts are bad. Most conflicts if properly resolved are "win-win situations". Giving in if i do not really want to would only create resentment. Hence i feel that we should always be honest and open in all relationships. Bring all your issues to the table so that it can be resolved.